7). A Memorable Adventure

A few years ago I took a holiday in Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo). I was travelling along the river Itubi in a boat - in fact a punt as two men propelled it with long poles like the students on the river Cam at Cambridge. At the front was a youth of about 14, and behind was his father. We were travelling quietly along the river whilst looking at the colourful birds when I glimpsed a beautiful green snake, which was swimming on the water to us. I was about to photograph it but the boy suddenly hit the water near the snake with his pole. This act rocked the boat and, as I was afraid of falling into an African river on account of the risk of bilharzia (a serious illness which one can catch from a water parasite) I firmly grasped the sides of the boat and so missed the chance of a photo.

However even worse followed. My friend, who was sitting in front of me suddenly stood up and violently shook our punt and something (or someone) fell into the water. When the confusion had abated I again saw the snake- climbing onto the river bank. Still no photograph!

What had happened? When the boy hit the water, the snake jumped into the boat, turned and began to crawl in our direction. The boy immediately threw himself out of the punt. My friend picked up a basket, in which was our lunch, and threw it onto the snake. The unhappy reptile jumped out of the boat and swam away.

Only afterwards I was informed that the snake had been a green mamba, possibly the most poisonous snake in Africa. I was sitting approximately one metre away from certain death. Unfortunately my friends at home do not believe the story for lack of photographic evidence.

(T=Teacher)

T: Morning, class (pupils). Today we are going to learn about the geography of Wales.

Peter: Sir, don't you know anything about the subject already?

T: Of course, Peter. It is obvious that I should have said that you and not we are going to learn about the geography.

Mary(panting) I'm sorry, sir, that I'm late. I missed the bus.

T: Well, sit down Mary and quickly, please. So- about Wales

George Sir, when Henry and me (grammatically I) were late yesterday you punished us. So now you ought to punish Mary similarly, shouldn't you?

T: I suppose you are right, George. Mary, write one hundred times "I must learn that punctuality is an important matter." Now about Wales.

Elizabeth: Excuse me, sir, but although you gave a written imposition to Henry yesterday, he so far hasn't given it to you.

T: That's true, Elizabeth. Where are your lines, Henry?

Henry: I forgot to write them, sir.

T: What a surprise! This evening write two hundred or tomorrow you will get a detention. Now Wales is a country in..

E (loudly): Ow!

T: Elizabeth! Why did you shout out like that?

E: Because Henry has just kicked me, sir

T: Why, Henry?

H: Because she just reminded you about my lines, sir

T: Good Grief! (Teacher unlikely to say 'Hell' to his pupils) You- both- will have a detention tomorrow after the end of the last lesson and now ... Wales... (annoyed) Oh! yes. Peter, what did you want?

P(stuttering): Please, sir, may I go to the toilet?

T: Now- in the middle of the lesson!

P: If I'm not able to do, I might even burst.

T: Quickly, boy, and if you take more than two minutes I shall punish you. Ah! did he have to almost knock out that desk?

Several: You did say, sir, that he should hurry.

T: Back to Wales. It is a land in the west of Britain and....yes, Paul

Paul: Sir, do you want us to write notes?

T: I suppose so- when I at long last can start.

Billy(crudely):I ain't got a pen! (I do not have a pen)

T: Billy, do I always have to tell you not to shout out in class? Raise your hand and wait until I give you permission to speak.

Billy: I'm sorry, sir, but I do not have a pen.

T: It doesn't matter. Use a pencil.

Billy: But sir...

T: Billy, raise your hand. Now..

Billy: Sir, I don't have a pencil.

T: Yes, Helen

H: Please, sir, I getting bored. Whenever are we going to start learning about Wales?

T: Soon, Helen. (to all) Quiet (severely). If anyone else interrupts again I will punish them severely. Do you all understand?... Now the capital of Wales is Cardiff and.... Who just threw a paper aeroplane across the room? You ... report to me at the end of the lesson, Daffie (a nickname-possibly for Dafne)

(The bell sounds for the end of the lesson)

T: Listen, future pupils (Here English does not have the eloquence of Esperanto and so a meaningful translation is difficult). I said future pupils instead of pupils as I think that during the last lesson you learnt nothing. However I am certain that you will learn and learn quickly during a detention at four o'clock this afternoon. Future learners, your homework is to read about Wales in chapter four if your geography books. Yes, Billy...

Billy(crudely) Sir, me and my sister Annie (My sister and I) will be on holiday with our parents at Butlin's during next week and so we will not be able to read the homework.

T: But the Whit holiday was only a week ago.

Billy: but our parents had to work then and can holiday now. Of course, we must be with them.

T: Which Butlin's site? That at Pwllheli in North Wales or at Barry in the South?

Annie: In fact, sir, we shall visit Skegness on the east coast of England.

T: In fact I wish that you were to go to France, Australia, Venus or any place else except here!

a). The Loch Ness Monster.

In many lakes through the world live, it is said, monsters. To us the best known is the monster which lives in Loch (Lake) Ness in Scotland. However similar animals probably live in Canada, USA, Japan, Iceland and even Australia (there I suppose it is a marsupial species!) Till now such an animal has never been caught but people have often caught or claimed to have caught them on photos.

In Canada in Lake Okanagan, it is said, lives a beast called Ogopogo. It had been photographed during 1968 and comparing the size of the trees on the far bank of the lake one could calculate that the animal had a length of 60 feet. Another Canadian animal Manipago appeared before 17 independent witnesses. Then it was with a companion and a youngster. In Japan Mr Matsubara won a prize of 100,000 yen for the first photograph of the monster Issie. Presumably the snap was carefully checked before he was given the money! The Ness beast had been photographed for the first time during 1933 and afterwards more and more clearly during 1934 and 1936. In 1960 a South African Mr Dinsdale used a movie camera to film. The espionage service of the RAF checked this and decided that the film was authentic i.e. a film of something of length about 60 foot, which was swimming quickly (at 10 miles per hour). Of course it was not simply drifting at that speed. In fact three thousand people claim that they have seen Nessie.

Only two possibilities exist- either the monster is alive or it is not.

If it does not exist- what have many people seen? Of course many films are mysteries. Sometimes one probably saw a boat, a large seal, floating trees and other rubbish. If rotting organic material forms a gas bubble at the bottom of the lake, the bubble is small on account of the large pressure but when it reaches the surface as the pressure is smaller the bubble expands and causes a wave. Does this clarify the affair?

On the other hand possibly the beast indeed lives. Why has one not captured it? The lake is very long (24 miles) and very deep (2000 foot)- so to find even a sixty foot animal is similar to finding a needle in a hay stack.

However Peter Scott, the son of Scott of the Antarctic, and a famous scientist himself, chief of the world renowned bird sanctuary at Slimbridge, considered that Nessie in fact lives in the loch. He obtained sufficiently good radar reflections to convince him that a large moving object is to be found at the bottom of the lake. He even gave it a complete zoological name, Nessiteros rhomopteryx.

Is it possible that a huge beast, unknown to science, could live in the loch? In 1938 fishermen caught a fish, the coelacanth, which, according to scientists, disappeared 300 million years ago. However, it still lives at the very great depths of the ocean. During 1976 the US Navy caught a great shark, unknown previously, with a length of 15 feet- hardly a minnow! A few months ago I looked at a new film on television of a living 'big-mouth', as one had named it! If Nessie lives it probably resembles a dinosaur. On the island of Komodo in Indonesia one discovered in 1912 a lizard with a length of more than ten feet- almost a small dinosaur! Possibly in the great depth of the loch - who knows?

b). The Giant Balls of Costa Rica

Costa Rica is a country in Central America. It is covered with dense forest and its chief export is bananas. During the thirties when an area at Diquis was deforested to plant new banana bushes they found the spheres. Thousands of spheres with diameters from a few inches to eight feet, with weights of a few pounds to six (English) tons. All were almost perfect spheres, so smooth and symmetrical that one had to have made them with mechanical aid and not simply by hand. They were made of granite which originated in distant mountains. Dr Lothrop of the University of Harvard suggested, because of pottery fragments found in the same stratum, that the spheres came from the sixteenth century.

To manufacture them one had to acquire a cube of stone, to make a template and slowly smooth them by rubbing with other stones and sand. Did the primitive people who lived there then make these artefacts and if so, why?

The famous writer, Erich von Daniken suggested that that was not possible for the locals and the spheres had to originate from extra-terrestrials. He also suggested in a similar fashion for the Nazca lines in Peru. Certainly it is difficult to understand why the locals made so many excellent spheres. Supposedly the spheres had a religious significance. Possibly they represented planets and their makers worshipped the sun, the moon or other heavenly bodies. Of course, in Egypt men did huge works for religion (this time they constructed pyramids for the religion of the pharaoh). Until now the spheres of Costa Rica remain an archaeological mystery and the locals continue to find more in the mud of the Diquis delta.

c). The Nazca Lines

Near Nazca in the Atacama Desert in Peru are found thousands of lines, which stretch across the desert, going straight even upwards over the mountains. Triangles, rectangles and trapezia and even huge pictures also exist. The most famous picture is of a humming bird 300 foot long. One can only look at the lines well from a plane. The lines go so straight that Van Daniken has suggested that they served as a runway for the space ships of extra-terrestials. Why would men do so much work, which can only be seen from the sky? Probably that is the explanation. The lines are not for men but for the gods in the heavens. That is similar to the colossal pyramids in Mexico. The Egyptian pyramids are tombs but the Mexican were simply high platforms to raise the altar nearer to the gods.